Do Opposites Attract?

 

Do opposites Attract?

 

‘I know everyone loves a good love story, the tales where the right ones become the right two….But I never really believed a perfect man could exist, and after meeting my husband I can confirm this is true’ (taken from my wedding speech. Yes Really)

Let me start by saying that I don’t consider myself some kind of Goddess of Love. I’m just your average girl who has kissed some frogs, made some mistakes, and then met her Prince Charming… Only my husband is neither a Prince nor charming.

I know this won’t offend him because he won’t read this. I know he won’t read this because I don’t think he knows how. In fact I recently asked him if he had read a book since we had gotten together 6 and a half years ago, as I couldn’t recall ever seeing him do so…

Me – ‘’Have you read a book since we’ve been together?’’

Him – ‘’What?’’  (He was VERY busy watching a programme about whether mermaids are real.)

Me – ‘’Have you read a book….you know, in the last few years?’’

Him –‘’ Errrmmm  (pained expression at having to think). No’’.

Me – ‘’Why Not?’’

Him – (yawning and scratching his balls) ‘’I haven’t go the time’’.

Me – ‘’Oh’’.

This kind of sums us up. On paper we are absolutely 100% wrong for each other. He is heads and I’m tails. He is so laid back it’s like he is just waiting to die, whereas I can’t sit still for longer than half an hour without writing a ‘to do’ list. He likes white bread, I like brown. He is 11 years older and reminisces about his days raving when he had a ponytail (this makes me throw up in my mouth a bit), whilst I recall S Club 7 and making up routines to the spice girls. He likes weird documentaries and world news, and I like reality tv. He can think of nothing better than to spend a weekend in a tent in the howling wind, attempting to catch a large fish, so that he can take a picture of himself holding it, before throwing it back in the water. I’m more of an ‘indoors’ girl, who is happiest online shopping.

In a sense these differences are partially due to the fact that he is a man and I am a woman (although I prefer the term ‘girl’ as I’m scared of growing up), but it runs deeper than that. In fact, there isn’t much we agree on really. I remind him of this during our many frequent disagreements.

Me – ‘’Aaaaah. You DO. MY. HEAD. IN. I don’t even know why we are together’’ I rage, stropping about with a face like a slapped arse.

Him – (smiling – Thankfully he is very difficult to offend). ‘’Because I love you and you love me. That’s how it is, and how it will always be. Now shut up and give me a kiss’’.

He knows exactly how to deal with me, and I know how to deal with him. Our extreme opposites actually help. Without me, he would get nothing done. Without him, I would probably never calm down and just relax. Without me, he would eat nothing but takeaways, without him I would eat nothing but toast (did I mention I’m a bit of a lazy cow sometimes?).

It’s funny, because in this modern day of internet dating, it’s all about ‘matching’ people together. Having mutual interests and stuff in common, but I really wonder if this is the right way to go about things?

A couple of years back (pre baby), me and the man were out having dinner. We were sat next to a much older couple who we got chatting to. It transpired that they were celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary! That’s impressive enough by itself, but they also seemed genuinely happy. So I asked the woman:

 ‘What’s your secret to staying together so long?’

‘Seperate EVERYTHING Love’ She replied.

‘We have separate cars, separate friends, separate hobbies….but at the end of the day we come home to each other’.

I laughed and carried on the conversation, but thought about it later. Maybe she hit the nail on the head? We are all searching for Mr or Mrs Right, someone to be our best friend, and lover, and do everything with….but isn’t that a bit of a long shot? Surely you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment? People have ‘lists’ and ‘types’ and won’t go out with someone ‘blonde’ or someone with ‘baggage’. All this in the hope that they will find the ‘perfect’ relationship. But what is that anyway?

When I got together with my now husband, I wasn’t sure I even fancied him (bear with me). He had bad dress sense, and highlighted hair FFS. He was much older, and I was still in my ‘party and don’t want to settle down yet’ phase. He was bordering on being a cocky wideboy and I was more of the reserved ice queen type.

But we went on that first date because he asked me, and because I kind of 'knew' I had to. It took months of being together before I gave in to the fact that he made me HAPPY.  It took years before I accepted our differences, and stopped assuming we couldn’t possibly stay together forever on account of him having questionable political stances… and even more years still to know that love comes in many disguises.  But if you find it, then none of the differences matter, unless you let them.

Without tempting fate, I really do believe we’ll be together forever, and am I’m not ‘compromising’ or accepting second best because I never met the male version of me. I don’t want the male version of me…partly because I spend enough time with myself already, and partly because I’m not that great really. In fact, don’t tell anyone, but I’m really quite annoying actually. I can be extraordinarily moody at times, indecisive, stubborn and occasionally quite dramatic over unimportant things. I can be pretty uptight, condescending and at certain times of the month, and absolute emotional wreck (Want to be friends?)

But the thing is, none of this stuff ever put him off. I’m not saying he likes it, just that he accepts me warts and all, so it’s only fair that I do the same. And you know what, when you do that…when you stop fighting the differences or trying to change each other, and instead just say ‘we love each other’ and that’s that, it makes life a lot easier.

NB Do feel free to remind me of this article when in the near future I write one about being a single mum, or ask for advice on divorce.

So, for all you single ladies and men, if you’re looking for love (and I’m not saying you SHOULD be, There are definite perks to being single and ready to mingle) and haven’t found it. Why not try a new tact? Unless you’re the human embodiment of perfection, which is unlikely, why don’t you open your eyes to something, or perhaps someone, new. The guys who’s really into computer programming that you wrote off as boring, might be an absolute animal in the sack. The girl who spends her lunch break reading celeb mags might actually be funny and smart with a gravity defying pair of bazookas, which far outweigh your annoyance at her penchant for ‘trash’. So go on and ask them out. If it works out you can email me a wedding invite through my contact page.

Oh… and one more thing. Someone once told me that the most successful relationships involve the man being more in love with the woman then she is with him. Something to do with their dangly bits needing major motivation to be loyal I think. I’ve observed this rule and think it’s a fairly good bet. Women want to be treated like a Queen and worshipped by a loyal loving man, and men want to have it off with a girl hotter than they thought they could.

Simple Right?